Marketing: the truly original fake news

Some marketers are deluded. Too much hype, spin, fake news. While 87% of marketers say they are delivering engaging customer experiences, nearly half of consumers say that brands don’t even meet their basic expectations, according to survey published by Acquia in November 2018. Another 2018 study run by Arvato found that while 89% of brands felt their customer service was “excellent” only 9% of consumers agreed. According to a global 2017 survey by the Fournaise Group, 80% of CEOs don’t even trust their own marketing teams.

Many marketers unfortunately believe that fake beautiful smiling ‘customer’ images they put on their homepages are actual customers. They have convinced themselves of their own hype and hyperbole and live in a bubblegum world, where they rarely deal with real customers. Sitting with their advertising executive partner over lunch they bemoan the fact that marketing has got so much harder with this whole damn digital thing. The ad executive, who is even more clueless, but desperate to peddle his next fabulously useless, enormously expensive redesign consoles the poor (metaphorically speaking) marketing executive by saying things like: “It’s time to be even more interactive, engaging, robots, algorithms, chatbots, hamburger menus, millions of stock images, caring language, influencer marketing, fully embracing the most expensive brochureware design option, innovative, I don’t get out of bed for less than half a million, bots, we’ll win awards with this one, we need a new utterly meaningless generic branding tagline such as ‘Dreaming beyond the dreams and possibilities,’ Big Data, interactive, mobile is the past, VR is the present, the now and beyond, CDROM, sorry misspoke, we need more videos, huge giant expensive videos, I know a Hollywood director, he’ll make you look like James Bond, even better than James Bond, targeting, campaigns, interactive, utterly meaningless language that spouts a caring simplicity and the most deep holistic desire to engage and experience a real customer just once (but not for too long) because we all know that only suckers deal with real customers on a regular basis, where did we outsource support to this time, wow, those annoying idiotic customers who actually believed our advertising, don’t they know that we are the original masters of the universe when it comes to fake news, bots, interactive, immersive, you do this ridiculously expensive redesign and watch your career soar, it’s all about you, my friend, my entire focus, my every waking hour, I think up ways to make you look good, to do things normal humans don’t dream of, in order to help you shoot up the career ladder, new projects, new initiatives, new redesign (very expensive), they’ll think you’re so-so creative, innovative, hardworking, pushing boundaries, bots, hamburger menus, it’s all about you, it’s always been about you, you stick with me and it’ll always be about you and your ego until the end of time and beyond, bots, typewriters, CDROM, the wheel, show me the money!

Acquia global survey: Closing the CX Gap

CEOs Don’t Trust Marketers

Arvato survey: Very few consumers report excellent customer service

Brad Tuttle, Customer Service Hell, 2011

 

 

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